Cleaning out the cobwebs

You might be led to think, based on the slowdown of activity on this blog of late, that I've become much more busy. There might be a grain of truth in that, but that gives me too much credit. I've just been very lazy, less introspective (at least in terms of my willingness to sit down and right about it) and haven't had much in the way of amusing experiences to relay. Also, I recently became active on Facebook, which is stealing some of my otherwise idle online time.

I feel a rush of awesome blog entries coming on, but I wouldn't hold my breath on that if I were you either :-)

Stating the obvious

PennDOT puts out a little daily news/informational blurb that comes up in Outlook as the first thing you see after logging into your e-mail. Many days I just click over to my inbox without reading it, but today for whatever reason, I decided to take a look. The article was about safety around trains/railroad tracks.

Most of these tips were just plain common sense, and it's sad that they feel like they need to tell people about these things. Let's be honest here - if you, as a pedestrian or a motorist, wind up in an incident with a train, either you've done something incredibly stupid, or something bizarre and completely out of your control happened.

One of the points really caught my attention, however. This point mentioned when approaching train tracks you should be cautious and remember that "trains always have the right of way".

I'll be honest here - I'm not sure that I knew that, in the legal sense, trains always had the right of way on the train tracks. The reason I didn't know that was because it never really occured to me that right of way was at issue when you're dealing with an oncoming train, and you're either on foot or behind the wheel of a car. I mean, seriously, if the train didn't legally have the right of way, would it really change anything in practice? The train is much larger, has no ability to manuever off the tracks, and is in all likelihood going much faster - of course it has the right of way. Pretty much every of physics is working in its favor.

Right of way isn't really at issue in a situation where a collision would leave one party completely obliterated and deal just a glancing blow to the other one, unless there's catastrophic stupidity involved on behalf of the first party. The same principle holds for pedestrians in crosswalks. The fact that you had the right of way and the motorist who plowed into you is liable for your death isn't going to provide much comfort to your friends and family at the funeral, so you'd probably better watch for traffic anyhow, especially since those white lines hold only the authority, and no physical power, to keep you safe from on-rushing vehicles.

If the question of who has the right of way actually enters your mind when dealing with potential encounter with a train, well, to be frank, you're probably going to wind up winning a Darwin Award someday, even if it isn't this particular day.

The "new addition"

So, after waiting a few weeks, yesterday I finally received a phone call telling me that I could come by the radio station to pick up the Brad Paisley autographed guitar that I won for being charitable at the end of January.

The full view, for effect

Closeup on the autograph

Unfortunately, it appears to be too much to ask for a star of any kind to have an autograph that could actually be identified as their signature just by looking at...

I was actually pleasantly surprised by the guitar itself. I was pretty much expecting it to be your basic, cheap guitar, pretty much like the one I already own that came in a box set. And, while it certainly wouldn't come anywhere near the level of the kind of guitar that a real serious guitar player would play, its definitely a step up from what I own. At the very least, it's more attractive. I restrung it (I wasn't impressed with the condition of the strings, and there was a silica gel packet rattling around inside that I couldn't get to with the strings on), tuned it up, and there it sits on my guitar stand. I figure as little as I actually play around with my guitar, I can actually use this one without worrying about diminishing its condition. Of course, perhaps having a better guitar that is signed by such a talented singer/guitar player will inspire me to get serious about the instrument again, but holding your breath regarding that occurance wouldn't be advisable :-)

My primary concern at this point is Chaser's interest in it. I was hoping since it was just replacing another guitar, it wouldn't attract his attention, but it seems to have anyhow.

Finishing the retreat story, at long last

I really need to stop stating my intentions regarding when particular postings will occur. I thought, since I was in a lull in terms of how regularly I was posting, that such statements would motivate me. This, however, has not turned out to be the case, and has only served to make me look perhaps even more negligent. So, from now on, no more promises. You'll get what you get, when you get it, and you'll LIKE IT! :-)

So, anyhow, here's the last entry in my retreat saga, which will wrap up my storytelling of the event, only 4 weeks after it occured!

One of the things that kind of stinks about these weekend retreats for us CrossWalk folk is that, unlike "normal" church folk who go to church on Sunday morning, we can't necessarily just come home and relax for a Sunday evening after one of these things. And you invariably need some time to come down off of these things. We, however, still had to do church on Sunday evening, and being that we are the leadership, all of us bailing wasn't an option. When we left things, the member of our team who was going to be leading that night had told us his plan was just going to be to have us all share about the experience we had just had. I liked that idea, but encouraged him to make sure we led that in a fashion that made it a two way conversation.

He had actually left on Saturday night, and by the time I arrived at CrossWalk on Sunday evening, about 30 minutes before the service, that plan had changed, and he felt that we needed to do the last listening exercise we had done at the retreat with everyone - and that I needed to lead it. I was a bit taken aback, but also excited, because I had kind of been thinking the same thing. So, I collected myself and later in the service, that was just what we did.

As folks were sharing what they had heard, my friend, the one who had started the whole story of the week by driving me batty the Sunday before, got up and shared that God had brought to his mind the parable of the talents. I neglected to mention that I got pretty emotional while sharing about this friend during the retreat, and I got all teared up again, because I even more completely understood what God had been saying to me in that time. In the human arena, he would definitely be classified as a 1 talent guy. But in the story, that man with just the one talent buried it and didn't do anything with it. God was showing me that part of what He was calling me to do with MY talents was to help my friend use his one talent for everything it was worth, and that that was an incredibly great thing. What a wild set of bookends for the whole week.

That evening also crystalized for me what was ultimately the biggest lesson of the week for me. I had heard it said a couple times throughout the weekend, and again that evening, what a great job I had done leading the weekend. I received that, but at the same time, it was so clear to me that it wasn't about me at all. I was nervous, I was stumbling at times, I left some things out, etc. All that I had done was listen to God, and been obediant to what I believed He was calling me to do - He had taken care of all the rest. And so, as I spoke to close the service, I shared that, and also just encouraged everyone to really begin listening to God themselves, and doing they heard. The big lesson for me, that God really drove home, is that He doesn't move because of great speakers, although He uses great speakers. He doesn't move because of gifted leaders, though He uses gifted leaders when He moves. God moves when ordinary people like me, and like you, and like anyone else, listen to His voice, and do what He says. It's that simple.

Of course, the word I used there is simple, meaning uncomplicated, and not easy, meaning, well, easy :-)

So, that brings me to the end of this particular story. I appreciate those who have followed along with me while I processed this even for myself, and that its made sense through all the twists and turns.

Another "getting older" moment

I promise, I'll get the last segment of the retreat story up, probably even tonight. But I've realized that my extended run of self-reflection has robbed me of opportunities to post some lighter material, because when I sit down to blog, I feel like I should be doing the heavier stuff, and that can be fairly daunting. It's probably why my posting has been so sporadic recently even though I have plenty to talk about. So, rather than let this one go until I finish my heavier stuff (which, quite frankly may never happen, because I've got more than just the retreat), I'm going to go with it, knowing that at some point the retreat story will get finished.

Anyhow, while I know I'm not "old" in the grand scheme of things, but I am definitely getting older, and I get reminders of that from time to time. One of my biggest wake-up calls on this front came a year or so ago, when I realized how many things I could remember that had happened 20 years or more ago. It hadn't bothered me right when I turned 20 that there were things that had happened 20 years ago that were within my lifetime, because if I couldn't remember them, did they really count? But, by the time I hit 26-27, I couldn't escape that anymore.

This week's reminder is in that mold. As I remind you frequently, I like country music, and its what I listen to at work. My folks, particularly my Dad, have always had at least some sort of connection with country (its hard not to growing up in rural southcentral PA), but when I was around 7 or 8, there was definitely a stronger connection there - particularly with Randy Travis. I remember that we had a couple of his tapes in the car that would play rather frequently.

All of this is to say, this week, as I was listening to the radio, I heard Carrie Underwood's new single for the first time. It sounded really familiar, and then it hit me - it was a cover of "I Told You So", originally sung by none other than Randy Travis. Now, it's in no way uncommon for a contemporary artist to cover a classic song, but I'm pretty sure this is the first time that I've been aware of someone covering a "classic" that I can remember hearing when it was new. It's another one of those experiences I'd have gladly been willing to put off for another decade or so.

Now, admittedly, this probably didn't sting as much as it could have, because, while I remember the song from when it was new, it's still more of a song from my parent's generation than from mine. I wasn't really making my own musical selections yet at age 8. I'm sure it will be much less pleasant for me 20 years from now, when someone is covering a "classic" tune by Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood, etc. Of course, I just realized that by writing this, I've made sure my parents are aware of the existance of this cover, speeding along the very experience I'm dreading...

Sorry Mom and Dad. Love you!

Reflecting

So, I'm back again. I've decided I'm going to endeavor to contain my reflections on the retreat weekend in no more than 2 posts, which I hope to have completed by tomorrow or Thursday. I simply have to get this finished and move on, because I'm way behind and I'll never catch up at my current pace. God is just doing so much in and around my life right now. Suffices to say, I think this recent period of a few months will be one of those before/after periods in my life, a clear and definite turning point.

Anyhow, the first time we spent listening to God at the retreat was in response to the story of Jesus calling the little children to come to Him. This, as you might recall, was our "practice" session. As I sat down from starting the exercise for the team, and really allowed myself to focus in on Jesus myself, I sensed him asking me, in that picture, why I wasn't coming all the way to him, or at least why I hadn't yet. A very fair question indeed. I've been following Christ, in one manner or another, for pretty much my whole life. I didn't formally accept Christ until I was 5 or 6, but I grew up in the church, loved Sunday School, believed the stories, etc, so it was always pretty much just a matter of when, as opposed to if. However, I've spent a lot of my life being a "good Christian" as opposed to truly seeking after Christ and really drawing near to him. It was okay being near Jesus and just kind of being associated with him, but to REALLY go to him? That's scary. So, right away, I had a point to dwell on. I won't elaborate much further on that sort of things, because as I get beyond the retreat, that'll come out in more detail.

Our second listening session was regarding the purpose/identity of CrossWalk. As I listened in this time, I was immediately drawn to 1 Corinithians 14, starting with verse 26. People often tread lightly around this section of Scripture, because it deals primarily with a couple of tender issues for many churches - tongues, and women in the church. That wasn't where I was really drawn, however. I was more taken with the beginning of it, "When you come together, everyone has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. All of these must be done for the strengthening of the church." The word "everyone" especially jumped off the page at me. I'm not about to get into a debate about the merits of the traditional Western way of doing church, I'm really not that concerned about anything beyond what God has for me and my church. But the simple fact of the matter is that that way of doing church does not start with Paul's statement as a base assumption. We pretty much pre-determine which certain people will speak, lead, and build up the church on a given Sunday. We don't operate under the assumption that anyone in attendance might have something that the church needs on that given day. And as much as CrossWalk had started out with the mind of being non-traditional, that had come to apply about as much to CrossWalk's way of doing church as any other church out there. Coupled with a number of other things I had been seeing, hearing, sensing leading up to the retreat, it was quite clear to me that God had a design for CrossWalk that looked much more like 1 Corinthians 14 than what we do at McBIC on a Sunday morning, or had been doing at CrossWalk on a Sunday evening.

The last reflection time was started by looking at John 14:12 and asking God what great things he had to do for His kingdom through each of us. The first thing I heard God tell me was that I am a writer, and that that was not a gift I was to keep to myself. This was quite convicting, because the reality is that, for the most part, I have kept it to myself. I mean, I say I'm a writer, I tell people I'm a writer, I blog for friends to read. And yet, to this point, I hadn't really done much in the way of really keeping my eyes open for ways to use my writing to serve God, and the church. Think it was a coincidence that I had had that devotional to do, and that I didn't get it done until right before the retreat? I know I don't. That's why I jumped at the chance to write a second devotional when asked, and I'm really asking God for opportunities, and trying to keep my eyes open for when he presents them.

Moving on from that, I felt God drawing me to the extent to which He's challenged me and drawn me to expect more of Him recently, to expect Him to be who He says He is, to do what He says He will do. I sensed that He has designs for me to use that word to challenge others to do the same. That, coupled with the writing, has me seriously pondering whether there isn't a larger writing in me that I need to start working on getting out :-) I'm not sure if its a book, but who knows?

Lastly, I got a picture of my friend. You remember him, he's the one with some special needs who frustrated me to the point of blowing up at him the Sunday before the retreat. You know, while I've always believed on some level that God had some work to do in his life as a result of my relationship with him, I've always tended to look at that relationship from the perspective of what God's using it to do in me. He's taught me more patience than I could ever have dreamed, and I've also learned a thing or two about unconditional love. And yet, as I sat in that moment, it became so clear to me that God so deeply desired to do incredible things (beyond my imagination) in his life, at least in part through our relationship. It was a very humbling moment, and a major perspective shift that I've carried through into my interactions with him since. (More on that in the next post)

So, I've successfully gotten through all my various reflections in one post, which just leaves the next post to discuss what happened at CrossWalk the evening we got back, and then I can move on!