Reflecting

So, I'm back again. I've decided I'm going to endeavor to contain my reflections on the retreat weekend in no more than 2 posts, which I hope to have completed by tomorrow or Thursday. I simply have to get this finished and move on, because I'm way behind and I'll never catch up at my current pace. God is just doing so much in and around my life right now. Suffices to say, I think this recent period of a few months will be one of those before/after periods in my life, a clear and definite turning point.

Anyhow, the first time we spent listening to God at the retreat was in response to the story of Jesus calling the little children to come to Him. This, as you might recall, was our "practice" session. As I sat down from starting the exercise for the team, and really allowed myself to focus in on Jesus myself, I sensed him asking me, in that picture, why I wasn't coming all the way to him, or at least why I hadn't yet. A very fair question indeed. I've been following Christ, in one manner or another, for pretty much my whole life. I didn't formally accept Christ until I was 5 or 6, but I grew up in the church, loved Sunday School, believed the stories, etc, so it was always pretty much just a matter of when, as opposed to if. However, I've spent a lot of my life being a "good Christian" as opposed to truly seeking after Christ and really drawing near to him. It was okay being near Jesus and just kind of being associated with him, but to REALLY go to him? That's scary. So, right away, I had a point to dwell on. I won't elaborate much further on that sort of things, because as I get beyond the retreat, that'll come out in more detail.

Our second listening session was regarding the purpose/identity of CrossWalk. As I listened in this time, I was immediately drawn to 1 Corinithians 14, starting with verse 26. People often tread lightly around this section of Scripture, because it deals primarily with a couple of tender issues for many churches - tongues, and women in the church. That wasn't where I was really drawn, however. I was more taken with the beginning of it, "When you come together, everyone has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. All of these must be done for the strengthening of the church." The word "everyone" especially jumped off the page at me. I'm not about to get into a debate about the merits of the traditional Western way of doing church, I'm really not that concerned about anything beyond what God has for me and my church. But the simple fact of the matter is that that way of doing church does not start with Paul's statement as a base assumption. We pretty much pre-determine which certain people will speak, lead, and build up the church on a given Sunday. We don't operate under the assumption that anyone in attendance might have something that the church needs on that given day. And as much as CrossWalk had started out with the mind of being non-traditional, that had come to apply about as much to CrossWalk's way of doing church as any other church out there. Coupled with a number of other things I had been seeing, hearing, sensing leading up to the retreat, it was quite clear to me that God had a design for CrossWalk that looked much more like 1 Corinthians 14 than what we do at McBIC on a Sunday morning, or had been doing at CrossWalk on a Sunday evening.

The last reflection time was started by looking at John 14:12 and asking God what great things he had to do for His kingdom through each of us. The first thing I heard God tell me was that I am a writer, and that that was not a gift I was to keep to myself. This was quite convicting, because the reality is that, for the most part, I have kept it to myself. I mean, I say I'm a writer, I tell people I'm a writer, I blog for friends to read. And yet, to this point, I hadn't really done much in the way of really keeping my eyes open for ways to use my writing to serve God, and the church. Think it was a coincidence that I had had that devotional to do, and that I didn't get it done until right before the retreat? I know I don't. That's why I jumped at the chance to write a second devotional when asked, and I'm really asking God for opportunities, and trying to keep my eyes open for when he presents them.

Moving on from that, I felt God drawing me to the extent to which He's challenged me and drawn me to expect more of Him recently, to expect Him to be who He says He is, to do what He says He will do. I sensed that He has designs for me to use that word to challenge others to do the same. That, coupled with the writing, has me seriously pondering whether there isn't a larger writing in me that I need to start working on getting out :-) I'm not sure if its a book, but who knows?

Lastly, I got a picture of my friend. You remember him, he's the one with some special needs who frustrated me to the point of blowing up at him the Sunday before the retreat. You know, while I've always believed on some level that God had some work to do in his life as a result of my relationship with him, I've always tended to look at that relationship from the perspective of what God's using it to do in me. He's taught me more patience than I could ever have dreamed, and I've also learned a thing or two about unconditional love. And yet, as I sat in that moment, it became so clear to me that God so deeply desired to do incredible things (beyond my imagination) in his life, at least in part through our relationship. It was a very humbling moment, and a major perspective shift that I've carried through into my interactions with him since. (More on that in the next post)

So, I've successfully gotten through all my various reflections in one post, which just leaves the next post to discuss what happened at CrossWalk the evening we got back, and then I can move on!