Death to preachy bumpy stickers!

Okay, I'm going to apologize right now if you find yourself in the line of the fire of this entry, and tell you that if I loved you before finding out you were a culprit of this great offense, I shall still love you afterwards, and only ask that you never show the rear of your vehicle to me ever again.

Anyhow, as you might guess from the title, I'm announcing my complete and utter hatred of preachy bumper stickers, in all shapes, sizes, forms, and creeds. If you want to give me some insight into your favorite radio station, fine. If you want to show which candidate you support in the next major election, I'm down - although please, take the thing off sometime within the first year after the election, especially if your guy loses. Have a sticker with an attractive design or picture, good for you. Proud of your alma mater? I can live with that. The little Christian fishes are cute and non-threatening, the American flag is fair game, and those various colored ribbons to indicate support for the troops, I can deal with. LiveStrong? It's toeing the line, but I'm okay. Even a quick little joke is fine. However, the second your bumper sticker starts to string words together in an effort to educate, provoke, enlighten, persuade, etc, you've crossed a line and incurred my wrath.

Let me be absolutely clear on this single point - there is NOTHING that is truly worth saying that can be contained on a bumper sticker that can be clearly read at a safe distance. Did you hear me? NOTHING!

That's right. As much as I love Jesus, I will NOT honk to make you aware of that fact, nor should anyone else. The horn has a purpose, that is not it. I'm sure your kid is wonderful, but I don't know him or her, so the fact that he/she is an honor student really doesn't impact me. I care slightly more is your kid is a deliquent that goes around beating up honor students, but really, that's still best kept to yourself. As fascinated as you may be by how much gas cost at the time President Bush took office, I was fine not knowing. If I cared what Barack Obama's middle name was, I'm pretty sure I would have known it BEFORE pulling up behind you at a red light. My attitude on war and/or peace is not so whimsical that it can be influenced one way or the other by your little witty catchphrase. You know, I'm pretty sure a tree died to make that sticker carrying your pro-forest message. Your stance, pro or con, regarding the killing of animals for food will have no bearing on whether I pull in and get a burger at that next fast food restaurant. That's right, your bumper sticker is NOT the boss of me, whatever it says.

Bear in mind, that if you would like, I'd gladly sit down with you and discuss any of these topics, and more, with you in a calm, intelligent fashion. You see, in such a forum, we get to exchange our ideas, rather than having you shout them at me from the back of your car, leaving me no way to avoid and/or respond to your point of view, a point of view which is neither completely or intelligently expressed in bumper sticker form.

So please, please, keep the educating, provoking, persuading and the like to it's proper forum, and leave your rear bumper to do the job it was meant to do - that of keeping proper distance between you and my front bumper... and maybe trying to win some contest from your favorite radio station.