On expectations and experience

My Friday in Thailand taught me a number of lessons, but perhaps none bigger than the connection between my level of expectation and the extent to which I experience God working in my life.

I mentioned that I received what I believe to be a word from God regarding what is going on with Lynn, and in the village. In the past, when I would share a word like that, I would almost always preface it with something to the effect of "I'm not really someone who claims to hear from God very often." I believe I may have actually used that kind of language when sharing with our team in devotions that morning, and then as I was preparing to share with the larger group, I was about ready to say the exact same thing, when I stopped and reflected. As I did, a reality became very clear - I was living out a self-fulfilling prophecy in this area. I didn't seek God and expect to hear from Him very often, and therefore, I didn't hear from Him very often.

As I reflected further, I went back to the recent times in my life where I believed I had heard from God. All came after a period of time or an instance where I had been fairly earnestly seeking Him. Friday morning was no exception. I had set aside some time on Thursday morning to pray and reflect prior to meeting the team for breakfast. Near the end of that time, which was one of the most significant times of personally seeking God I'd had in quite a while, I felt the nudge to fast breakfast and continue as I was, so I did, and God really spoke to me in that time, and that continued Thursday night and Friday morning.

As if that experience wasn't enough, God really drove the point home with me as I went to the village that afternoon. One of the aspects of supporting this team that I struggle with the most is prayer support. Prayer, and particularly intercessory prayer has never come easy for me. When Lynn started sending out more detailed information about what was going on to a group he called his core intercessors several weeks before the trip, it made me rather uncomfortable to be thought of as such. Here again, I was telling myself "I'm not really an intercessor". Well, I'm sure there were probably other reasons why I supposed to go along to the village that afternoon, but one of them was clearly to demonstrate what a load of crap I was selling myself on that topic. As I mentioned, I never got out of the truck during the encounter with Paw Wang, but I don't think I could have felt much more connected and tuned in with what was going on had I been right in the middle of it. And spiritually, I believe that I was right in the middle of it as I prayed and interceded. I'm still not sure that intercessory prayer is one of my top areas of gifting, but I'm definitely not buying into the idea that I'm not an intercessor again. It was true before, because that's what I believed and expected. On Sunday, I asked for an opportunity to personally and specifically bless each member of the team in our last ministry time. That would not have happened about 72 hours earlier. But I really felt like I heard from God and was able to speak blessings from Him into the lives of the team that morning, because I expected to hear from Him, and I expected Him to use me for that purpose.

If you followed along on our team blog, you may have seen the challenge that I took personally and laid out to our supporters shortly before we left: Do we (do I) really believe in a God who is able do immeasurably more than all that we ask or imagine? And are we (am I) willing to pray that way? I feel like for the most part, I do. However, this trip really drove home for me a piece of that passage that I often gloss over. It says that God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us. Do you catch that? It's His power, not ours, but it's working in us. God is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, and He wants to do it through us, and more personally, through me, and through you. I think it's usually fairly easy for me to believe that God can do what He says he can do. It's often been a lot harder to believe that He can us me to do it.

If I had to choose only one lesson to carry with me from this experience and never let go, it would be this one: that I can be used by God for great things, and it's time I started living in that truth, and with that expectation.